Total Recall (2012)


At the end of 21st Century, the Earth is divided into two territories — the United Federation of Britain (UFB) and the Colony (Australia) — after World War 3 devastates the remainder of the planet. Many residents of the Colony travel to the UFB to work in their factories via “the Fall”, a gravity elevator, which travels through the Earth.

Why? Because fuck you science!


Need For Speed Most Wanted


What a disappointment. If I was only given one word to describe this game – understeer.

Take all the cool shit from the original (custom wheels, paint, cheesy plot, freedom of vehicle choice for races) and throw it in the bin. Add vicious understeer to every car and force you to drive every car to complete races and you have the general idea. There’s no money, you don’t buy cars – you steal them. Each car unlocks more races, to be completed in that car (only). You use magical points to buy upgrades at any time, anywhere on the map, even while being chased by cops. There’s no safe houses, and you can switch cars to evade a pursuit – magic! It sounds like it should be easier than ever, but to keep you playing, they’ve made everything super hard instead of creating more actual game. 10 bosses instead of 15, shocking understeer, painful Burnout style replays of every crash and horrendous frame rates.

I could almost forgive all atrocities commited by Critereon except for the fixed car device. I want to choose what car I complete races in, why should I be forced to drive some shitty Porsche just to get to the boss – who’s car I have to not only beat in a race, but wreck! Then they give me the car, not wrecked! Ahhhrgghh.


Jack Daniels Old 1907


Don’t be fooled gentlemen. It’s cheap for a reason – that reason being the government’s taxation on high alcohol content spirits, which this 37% whiskey circumvents. Unfortunately it tastes like generic cheap bourbon instead of the mellow sour mash you expect from
Jack Daniels. I wouldn’t pour it down the sink, but I wouldn’t buy it again either.